Treasuring the Present

I have a love/hate relationship with surprises. To put it even more simply there are two emotions running inside of me, a desire to know, and a desire to be shocked, awed, etc. Example: Leading up to Christmas. My mom has a large walk-in closet, and every year since I can remember, she has 'hid' the shopping bags containing the Christmas presents in there. Anticipation kills me, it's bad. I will confess I have once or twice 'snooped' around before the presents were wrapped and stuck under the tree. *Insert-feeling so so guilty typing this confession. - But, I figured this will help create a bridge to my destination within this blog post.

I find myself often, day dreaming about the future, what it may look like, who may be in it, where I'll be, how God will use my gifts, etc. There is a deep desire to just know, to see a few quick snap shots of what life will look like 10yrs...5yrs...Next year...6 months (ha.) down the road.

....THEN...I catch myself.

Those presents at Christmas were never as cool as those I didn't know were coming. In fact, the excitement of finding out what I may be receiving vanishes just moments after. I could hardly rip the wrapping paper off of the gifts without feeling guilty. On top of those, the 'surprise' faces one makes after opening a gift were totally fake- and probably looked it.-

Now, what if I found out what life would look like down the road? What if God offered me one of those toy cameras where I could flip through a few frames, would I take the offer? Would the same feelings of those past Christmas eve moments where I felt guilty slowly arise? Most likely.

Ten years ago, this Tuesday, the 16th, will mark the day I was diagnosed with Leukemia. If I had a chance then to look forward to what life would look like now, how crazy would that be. In all honesty I don't know if I would want to continue to live life knowing the many chemo treatments I went through, the kidney transplant, and several hip replacements. The scariness of going through the broken hearts, tough moments, and painful times that arose, most importantly, I would miss the excitement of seeing how God works through ALL of those times! The affirmation He provides, the grace He gives, and the strength He upheld me with. Surprises of friendships, blessings, and moments of true thankfulness would never feel the same.

So what now? Here are some several things...

1. Prayer. I've found a consistent prayer life can lead to confidence in knowing God has a plan for me. Clarity, affirmation, and vividness come when I make time for prayer. My prayer time allows a deeper relationship with my Father, who listens, but who also answers-in His timing.

2. Patience and Waiting. When I lessen my wants and desires to know and I focus on waiting and living in the moment an underlying confidence, peace, joy and excitement fill me soul. God is good, so is His plan.

3. Remembering the past. As I grow older, I become more in awe of the workings of my Creator. It is truly an unbelievable journey God has me on, and I've learned to welcome the detours, the traffic jams, and those crazy Michigan turns. I've also learned to treasure the scenery, relax on the straight a ways, and to enjoy to ride.

4. Living in the moment.

James 4:13-15 " Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.

Here in Michigan we are experiencing the season of Fall. Leaves are changing, temperature is dropping, and boots and sweaters are making their appearances. In my life, I'm experiencing the season of going hard, living in the moment, and anticipating some exciting moments to come- in HIS timing-.

God is good. Blessings in living life to its fullest.

Waiting.

Waiting does not come easy to me. In all honesty I'm an instant gratification kinda girl, but I'm working on it.

During my health issues the motto my family and I stood by was, 'One Day at a Time.'
There were times I couldn't ride my horse unless my blood counts were high enough. Hospital visits that didn't take just an hour, but several. Waiting to find out the results of a test. Waiting for a cure. In that chapter of my life waiting was just part of the course and it seemed like that was all I was doing,and it became a part of my life even though I didn't want to welcome it. Thankful for God's grace.

As of lately I have been humbled with the amount of grace God has given me when I follow His leading. I have been reminded that God works in crazy great ways when I least expect it. I am being reminded that I need to WAIT on God and WAIT for Him to show me what He has coming next for me. Oh my word. Sooo hard!!!

Psalm 27

Of David.

¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation —
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked advance against me
to devour^[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

⁶ Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

⁷ Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face! ”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

¹³ I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

I love Psalm 27, I love the author's words/lyrics about trust and confidence in God. There are strong words describing the affirmation of God's strength. There are also vivid words on our enemy, Satan. The moment we void our eyes from God, Satan steps in. Satan has a way of planting a seed that God is not trustworthy. In return Satan celebrates when we choose us, rather than God.

We can take shelter in the Church, that is where David finds his rest, his shelter. In this shelter we have Hospitality, the restoration and safety. Celebration, of who God is and what he has done. He is anxious to forgive us and to welcome our confessions. Nourishment, having a Sabbath is so important. Here we can gather as a community and encourage one another. In this Psalm, we see David being drawn here to recieve these blessings.

In conclusion I want to focus on the bolded verses. Psalm 27:13-14. We are who we are because God has helped us this far. It fuels us for the future ahead. He is our LIGHT and our STRONGHOLD. In return we have to wait, to wait for His instructions.

Not an easy thing to do when there is the desire to just be there, to have a glimpse into the future. It is not easy when God has had be step away from something and change directions. I want to know why?! BUT, I have confidence. God has blessed me in so many ways through all the different chapters in my life. I'm excited and I WAIT in anticipation for what will happen next!

Blessings in waiting.

Marissa

Forgiveness.

I am humbled as a sinner the way Jesus paid the ultimate price for the our sin. I am even more humbled as He continues to forgive our daily sins, over and over and over. Yet, I'm curious as to why it can be so hard to forgive just one person when they have wronged us? On June 20, 2012 sitting in the backyard of the house I was dog sitting at, I asked God to soften my heart to forgive someone who had hurt me, direspected me, and weighed me down with issues that were not mine. I prayed God would give me grace to forgive. I also prayed that God would forgive them too.

Little did I know, several weeks after that Wednesday, I would recieve a phone call from that person asking me to grant forgiveness to them. To which I replied, with tears in my eyes, that in fact I had and do forgive them. There is blessing and struggle to let go, even if it is easier to wallow in bitterness and speak through anger. God's grace is amazing and I blessed to have been filled with it.

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:22 ESV)
How hard it is to forgive, yet it really is not that much when I think of all HE has done for me.

Tenth Avenue North- 'Losing'.
"Well truth be told it doesn't matter if their sorry or not
Cause freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down!"

I want to leave you with the lyrics of Matthew West's new song...

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

God is good. Be blessed.
Marissa