"But to mean it when I say that I want my life to count for His glory is to drive a stake through the heart of self - a painful and determined dying to me that must be a part of every day I live."
-Louie Giglio

It is really hard for me to grasp the full meaning of giving oneself fully to Christ. C.S. Lewis says, "The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self- all your wishes and precautions- to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remaint what we call 'ourselves' to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be 'good'. We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way-centured on money or pleasure or amition- and hoping , in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly." Wow. I question myself often why it is so hard to hand over my full self to Christ? I have given my heart, but what about my actions, my goals, my dreams...

As a college student, I have been in situations where I just ask , "Lord help us do well on this test." God doesn't want to just help, he wants complete control of my life. I need to be able to relinquish myself in order for him to do such that. Why is that so hard? Lewis explains, "It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; and listening to that other voice." This too, I have witnessed. I wake up, and right away am focused on what I'm doing, what I'm going wear, who I am going to see today, I, I , I. Where does God enter my thoughts, on the drive to school, as I'm listening to a worship CD? Thats not where God wants to be in my life, thats not where I want God to be in my life.

This is a work on progress, I know. I am not able to snap my fingers and be at a point in my life where I have fully given everything to God. But, I can work towards not just putting paint on a surface-as Lewis explains- but dying it like a stain, which soaks right through. A Bible verse I'm posting on my bathroom mirror states, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galations 2:20 A reminder as I start my day, life is not about Marissa, I don't live for Marissa, Christ lives in me, and I live by faith in the Son of God, who has died for me.