The Blessing of Never Walking Alone

This year, like many years has been full of ups and downs, doors shut and windows open, memories made and moments treasured. If I could sum up 2012 with a simple phrase it would be, ‘Never once did I ever walk alone’.

So here I am, sitting in a vintage lazy boy in what we call ‘the piano room’ at my house, a cup of joe at my side and tears welling up in my eyes as I live back on the beginning of the year. To be honest with all of you it was rough. No one really would have known anything was wrong but deep down inside my heart I knew I was not in a healthy position in the relationship I was in. I felt I was ignoring the signals God was giving me. I was praying for direction but avoiding handing myself over to the choices God was nudging me to take.  Fast forward a few months, difficult conversations were had, numerous tears flowed from my eyes, and a breaking point happened. Six months into the year I found myself in a position I had not been in for the past two years. Single.

Psalm 123: 1-4

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

 

After that breaking point, God granted me with a waterfall of grace and mercy. He lifted a burden, freed my heart, and granted me the strength to forgive. Within a week I reconnected with several dear friends, was blessed by countless amounts of affirmation, and had the joy of a fun-filled schedule to free my mind.

Never once did I ever walk alone.

Summer was filled with a wonderful trip with my mom to visit family out in Las Vegas. This included a day trip to visit my bone marrow and kidney donor, Celeste, and her family out in Huntington Beach California. This year I also celebrated my ten year anniversary of my original cancer diagnosis date, October 16, 2002. Tears are coming to my eyes again as I replay memories in my mind of the lowest of low days in the hospital, but my heart overflows with the unimaginable amounts of support, prayer, and love poured into my family and me during that time. God let us through that journey with an army of prayer warriors and a wise medical staff. I did not fight that battle alone.

Never once did He leave us on our own.

Classes began again in the fall and I am honored and humbled at the support, knowledge, and wisdom that flow from my professors and staff at Kuyper College. I was blessed with the position of being one of the TA’s for the Greek class, and had the humbling opportunity to share my testimony and a Bible teaching of the Samaritan Woman at the Well for chapel at the college. (If any of you would like to read a copy of my teaching and story, I would love to e-mail a copy to you). Along with crazy good memories made, friendships created, and so much information learned, this semester rocked my socks off. God is good.  I have so glad to be a part of the Kuyper community.

You are faithful God, You are faithful.

The end of 2012 brought a sliver of what the New Year will bring; I will be attending Grand Rapids Theological Seminary to start my Masters in Counseling starting in January. I have two classes left at Kuyper College before graduating in May with a degree in Pre-Seminary and a minor in Greek and communications.

So what else may 2013 bring?

I am not sure what adventures will come up in 2013, but my hope and prayer for myself and those reading this, is that the Lord may bless it immensely. I pray for clear direction, courage to jump into the unknown, and for peace and mercy to rain down upon each of us. I pray God will grant us patience in times of desire, comfort in times of distress, and joy in all circumstances.

I am starting a new tradition this year. I have a mason jar ready to except the memories, treasured moments, answered prayers, and lessons learned in 2013. I look forward to a year from now to look back on the way God moved within my life. Get excited.

My first paper is my Bible verse for 2013- Ps. 27:13-14- Wait on the Lord.

May you all feel God's presence and know you are never walking alone.

Marissa

Treasuring the Present

I have a love/hate relationship with surprises. To put it even more simply there are two emotions running inside of me, a desire to know, and a desire to be shocked, awed, etc. Example: Leading up to Christmas. My mom has a large walk-in closet, and every year since I can remember, she has 'hid' the shopping bags containing the Christmas presents in there. Anticipation kills me, it's bad. I will confess I have once or twice 'snooped' around before the presents were wrapped and stuck under the tree. *Insert-feeling so so guilty typing this confession. - But, I figured this will help create a bridge to my destination within this blog post.

I find myself often, day dreaming about the future, what it may look like, who may be in it, where I'll be, how God will use my gifts, etc. There is a deep desire to just know, to see a few quick snap shots of what life will look like 10yrs...5yrs...Next year...6 months (ha.) down the road.

....THEN...I catch myself.

Those presents at Christmas were never as cool as those I didn't know were coming. In fact, the excitement of finding out what I may be receiving vanishes just moments after. I could hardly rip the wrapping paper off of the gifts without feeling guilty. On top of those, the 'surprise' faces one makes after opening a gift were totally fake- and probably looked it.-

Now, what if I found out what life would look like down the road? What if God offered me one of those toy cameras where I could flip through a few frames, would I take the offer? Would the same feelings of those past Christmas eve moments where I felt guilty slowly arise? Most likely.

Ten years ago, this Tuesday, the 16th, will mark the day I was diagnosed with Leukemia. If I had a chance then to look forward to what life would look like now, how crazy would that be. In all honesty I don't know if I would want to continue to live life knowing the many chemo treatments I went through, the kidney transplant, and several hip replacements. The scariness of going through the broken hearts, tough moments, and painful times that arose, most importantly, I would miss the excitement of seeing how God works through ALL of those times! The affirmation He provides, the grace He gives, and the strength He upheld me with. Surprises of friendships, blessings, and moments of true thankfulness would never feel the same.

So what now? Here are some several things...

1. Prayer. I've found a consistent prayer life can lead to confidence in knowing God has a plan for me. Clarity, affirmation, and vividness come when I make time for prayer. My prayer time allows a deeper relationship with my Father, who listens, but who also answers-in His timing.

2. Patience and Waiting. When I lessen my wants and desires to know and I focus on waiting and living in the moment an underlying confidence, peace, joy and excitement fill me soul. God is good, so is His plan.

3. Remembering the past. As I grow older, I become more in awe of the workings of my Creator. It is truly an unbelievable journey God has me on, and I've learned to welcome the detours, the traffic jams, and those crazy Michigan turns. I've also learned to treasure the scenery, relax on the straight a ways, and to enjoy to ride.

4. Living in the moment.

James 4:13-15 " Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.

Here in Michigan we are experiencing the season of Fall. Leaves are changing, temperature is dropping, and boots and sweaters are making their appearances. In my life, I'm experiencing the season of going hard, living in the moment, and anticipating some exciting moments to come- in HIS timing-.

God is good. Blessings in living life to its fullest.

Humble Living

My church, Ada Bible, is reading through the New Testament in 8 weeks. Crazy? Not really...more like awesome. It has been a true blessing to read the deignated readings each day and know that hundreds, maybe even thousands are reading the exact passages as well.

Through are readings we are asked to ponder five different questions...
1. What was new or compelling to you?
2. What questions did you have?
3. What did you learn about God?
4. What did you learn about yourself?
5. How might this change the way you live?

My small group ( 6 girls coming together to support one another in life and faith) has met every Thursday thus far to discuss this book-we are in week 2.

I have read through the New Testament before, but we were given the book, The Books of the Bible, which is an NIV version of the Bible that has eliminated the chapter and verse numbers to read more like a story. It has been so cool to see how much of a story the Bible really is.


This story hit me hard when I read it...Luke 14:7-14

When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: ⁸ “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. ⁹ If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. ¹⁰ But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. ¹¹ For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
¹² Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. ¹³ But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, ¹⁴ and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”


How easy it is in our lives to pick the biggest, greatest, most glamorous items or places. How often do we look over people in need and focus on ourselves? How often do we desire LESS> of us and MORE< of Him?

Be humble. Be blessed.

7 years of Thankfulness

August 30, 2012 is the seven year mark post-kidney transplant. Back in 2003 a total stranger came into my life as I underwent a bonemarrow transplant as a last resort to rid leukemia. Celeste Ryan gave me her precious and healthy bonemarrow on May 16, 2003. A year later we were able to connect over a phone conversation and we began to build a very unique and special relationship. In 2004 my kidneys began failing and I was put on kidney dialysis while anticipating a kidney transplant. Celeste made a phone call to my doctors and said she would be willing to give me one of her kidneys. It is a perfectly matched kidney as we share the same blood DNA through the bonemarrow transplant. So in August she flew here to Michigan from California and we met for the very first time. The rest of her family flew in a couple days later and on August 30, 2005 she selflessly gave me a second gift of life.

Thanking God today as I share in this celebration. Thank you for allowing me to wake up each morning to be a light and live fully for You. Thank you Celeste Ryan for your selfless gifts!! God is good!

"You're Beautiful." Part. 1

How often are you seized by God's goodness? Seized by nature? Seized by Godly provision?

 

During Paul's second missionary journey, he writes, "The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone LIFE and BREATH and EVERYTHING ELSE. (Acts 17:24-25) To put it simply we are needy, He is not. 

I'm currently writing this blog at my aunt and uncle's dining room table in Las Vegas on a hot Sunday afternoon. I sit here pondering what all has happened over the last week here on vacation. What has seized me?

Continuing in Acts 17 verses 26-27 says, From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boudaries of their lands. God did this so that they would SEEK him and perhaps REACH OUT for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us."

These gifts point to a Giver.

Our God is good, he is creative, and he wants to share himself.

I love my beautiful mitten shaped state of Michigan. The beautiful lake front, the green pastures, colored trees in the fall, the misty foggy mornings, and the snowcovered trees in winter. But what I love about heading westward is the gorgeous sunrises and sunsets over the mountains that leave me speechless, the dry baren but open desert, and the coolness of the mountains. As we headed even more west into CA and onto Huntington Beach for the day I stood in awe of the vast ocean, the magnificent waves, the sea breeze that brings my senses into a paradise uknown to a country girl like me. I was seized by God's magnitude, creativity, and greatness over and over on this trip.

So sorry to have to cut this short, but family time is calling me! I would love to continue sharing my thoughts...which will happen in Part 2. Get Excited. Pictures will be shown.  

Waiting.

Waiting does not come easy to me. In all honesty I'm an instant gratification kinda girl, but I'm working on it.

During my health issues the motto my family and I stood by was, 'One Day at a Time.'
There were times I couldn't ride my horse unless my blood counts were high enough. Hospital visits that didn't take just an hour, but several. Waiting to find out the results of a test. Waiting for a cure. In that chapter of my life waiting was just part of the course and it seemed like that was all I was doing,and it became a part of my life even though I didn't want to welcome it. Thankful for God's grace.

As of lately I have been humbled with the amount of grace God has given me when I follow His leading. I have been reminded that God works in crazy great ways when I least expect it. I am being reminded that I need to WAIT on God and WAIT for Him to show me what He has coming next for me. Oh my word. Sooo hard!!!

Psalm 27

Of David.

¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation —
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked advance against me
to devour^[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

⁶ Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

⁷ Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face! ”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

¹³ I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

I love Psalm 27, I love the author's words/lyrics about trust and confidence in God. There are strong words describing the affirmation of God's strength. There are also vivid words on our enemy, Satan. The moment we void our eyes from God, Satan steps in. Satan has a way of planting a seed that God is not trustworthy. In return Satan celebrates when we choose us, rather than God.

We can take shelter in the Church, that is where David finds his rest, his shelter. In this shelter we have Hospitality, the restoration and safety. Celebration, of who God is and what he has done. He is anxious to forgive us and to welcome our confessions. Nourishment, having a Sabbath is so important. Here we can gather as a community and encourage one another. In this Psalm, we see David being drawn here to recieve these blessings.

In conclusion I want to focus on the bolded verses. Psalm 27:13-14. We are who we are because God has helped us this far. It fuels us for the future ahead. He is our LIGHT and our STRONGHOLD. In return we have to wait, to wait for His instructions.

Not an easy thing to do when there is the desire to just be there, to have a glimpse into the future. It is not easy when God has had be step away from something and change directions. I want to know why?! BUT, I have confidence. God has blessed me in so many ways through all the different chapters in my life. I'm excited and I WAIT in anticipation for what will happen next!

Blessings in waiting.

Marissa

No Expectations.

 This past weekend I was blessed to reconnect with someone I have always considered a standard in my life. I drove down to lansing with slight hesitation to meet up with a bunch of Michiganders at the very tasty Pizza House close to the campus of MSU. *Go Spartans.* Little did I realize my hesitation would be fully forgotten as the night flew by, and I found myself on my way home crying tears of awe on how God works.

I met this friend about 5 years ago at my cousin's wedding out in Las Vegas. (Heads up, my aunt and uncle are church planters out there. In case you had any slight thought on Vegas.) After dancing the very last song together at the reception, we continued staying in touch via the classic facebook and phone convos. Went to a wedding with him a couple years ago and enjoyed a bonfire at his family's house in lansing that year as well. I was blessed to have him as a tour guide when I visited Vegas two years ago, as we hiked in the mountains and enjoyed karaoking for hours on end during that visit as well.

After hardly talking at all for 2 years, I was humbled and blessed by a long phone conversation about a month ago as we caught up and discussed the ever challenging book, Radical by David Platt. (If you have not read it, I encourage it.) As well as life lessons and how God is working within our lives.

As for the pizza night, I sit here smiling as a ponder what all happened, between meeting some great people, catching up with a few people I hadn't seen in years and being humbled by the group of brothers and sisters in Christ living their lives in response to God's leading and calling. Sweet.

Driving home, I did in fact cry, I also just praised God through a grateful heart for blessing me with an incredible night. No expectations are a blessing.

Faithful Friends.

I have been reading through the book of Psalm this summer and have been fully blessed by my involvement in the Word. It has also been exciting to study this book with my church family as Ada Bible Church is going through a sermon series on the Psalms.

As of recent I have truly been humbled by the people I have in my life. There have been many a moments in my 24 years where I have looked back and am udderly speechless how God puts certian people in my life during moments I need it. Psalm chapter 1:1 says, Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers..Our friends are important. Who are you associating yourself with?

Life is full of seasons and we need godly friends to travel with us through those seasons.

There are many seasons...a season of calm.
This is a season where life is full of wonderful blessings. When all good gifts are be bestowed upon us by God. But this is also a season when we forget to give thanks for those gifts, it is so easy to put God at the back burner of our lives as it is going so well. Do we have friends that will encourage and remind us to give thanks during those times?

A season of storms. Many of us can remember a time when a storm seemed to cascade into our lives. These are seasons of suffering, questions, and at times filled with emense pain. Are our friends those who will help bring the life back into us? Are they friends who will stay positive and encourage us to choose joy no matter the circumstances?

A season of rebellion. Then there are seasons of rebellion, when we dive head first into choosing sin and enjoying it. One of the sneaky aspects of sin is it's deceptive nature to not even realize you are dwelling in it. It is a blessing when we have friends that partner with God.

I'm not sure what I would name the season I am going through right now. It's a bit of calm, peace, with a mix of excitement and anticipation for what God has planned for me next.

In the last few weeks I have had long distance phone calls from my cousin in FL to a cousin and genuine friend in NV. A cousin and friend who will go cowboy boot shopping and friends who will sit and indulge in tasty food as we listen to each other and talk about life's happenings. My friend Tamare came over last week and we went out riding.

I personally have many favorite places, visiting family in Las Vegas, sitting lake side at the cottage, lounging on the back deck listening to nature and the occasional snort of one of my horses in the background...but I have to say, my favorite place is in my saddle on the back of my sweet mare riding around our neighborhood.

Life is good. God is great.
                                       Here are some pics of our fun  night...

Sweet Sammy

Mya

Blessings.

Forgiveness.

I am humbled as a sinner the way Jesus paid the ultimate price for the our sin. I am even more humbled as He continues to forgive our daily sins, over and over and over. Yet, I'm curious as to why it can be so hard to forgive just one person when they have wronged us? On June 20, 2012 sitting in the backyard of the house I was dog sitting at, I asked God to soften my heart to forgive someone who had hurt me, direspected me, and weighed me down with issues that were not mine. I prayed God would give me grace to forgive. I also prayed that God would forgive them too.

Little did I know, several weeks after that Wednesday, I would recieve a phone call from that person asking me to grant forgiveness to them. To which I replied, with tears in my eyes, that in fact I had and do forgive them. There is blessing and struggle to let go, even if it is easier to wallow in bitterness and speak through anger. God's grace is amazing and I blessed to have been filled with it.

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:22 ESV)
How hard it is to forgive, yet it really is not that much when I think of all HE has done for me.

Tenth Avenue North- 'Losing'.
"Well truth be told it doesn't matter if their sorry or not
Cause freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down!"

I want to leave you with the lyrics of Matthew West's new song...

It's the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve

It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...

Forgiveness
Forgiveness

It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

God is good. Be blessed.
Marissa