Treasuring the Present

I have a love/hate relationship with surprises. To put it even more simply there are two emotions running inside of me, a desire to know, and a desire to be shocked, awed, etc. Example: Leading up to Christmas. My mom has a large walk-in closet, and every year since I can remember, she has 'hid' the shopping bags containing the Christmas presents in there. Anticipation kills me, it's bad. I will confess I have once or twice 'snooped' around before the presents were wrapped and stuck under the tree. *Insert-feeling so so guilty typing this confession. - But, I figured this will help create a bridge to my destination within this blog post.

I find myself often, day dreaming about the future, what it may look like, who may be in it, where I'll be, how God will use my gifts, etc. There is a deep desire to just know, to see a few quick snap shots of what life will look like 10yrs...5yrs...Next year...6 months (ha.) down the road.

....THEN...I catch myself.

Those presents at Christmas were never as cool as those I didn't know were coming. In fact, the excitement of finding out what I may be receiving vanishes just moments after. I could hardly rip the wrapping paper off of the gifts without feeling guilty. On top of those, the 'surprise' faces one makes after opening a gift were totally fake- and probably looked it.-

Now, what if I found out what life would look like down the road? What if God offered me one of those toy cameras where I could flip through a few frames, would I take the offer? Would the same feelings of those past Christmas eve moments where I felt guilty slowly arise? Most likely.

Ten years ago, this Tuesday, the 16th, will mark the day I was diagnosed with Leukemia. If I had a chance then to look forward to what life would look like now, how crazy would that be. In all honesty I don't know if I would want to continue to live life knowing the many chemo treatments I went through, the kidney transplant, and several hip replacements. The scariness of going through the broken hearts, tough moments, and painful times that arose, most importantly, I would miss the excitement of seeing how God works through ALL of those times! The affirmation He provides, the grace He gives, and the strength He upheld me with. Surprises of friendships, blessings, and moments of true thankfulness would never feel the same.

So what now? Here are some several things...

1. Prayer. I've found a consistent prayer life can lead to confidence in knowing God has a plan for me. Clarity, affirmation, and vividness come when I make time for prayer. My prayer time allows a deeper relationship with my Father, who listens, but who also answers-in His timing.

2. Patience and Waiting. When I lessen my wants and desires to know and I focus on waiting and living in the moment an underlying confidence, peace, joy and excitement fill me soul. God is good, so is His plan.

3. Remembering the past. As I grow older, I become more in awe of the workings of my Creator. It is truly an unbelievable journey God has me on, and I've learned to welcome the detours, the traffic jams, and those crazy Michigan turns. I've also learned to treasure the scenery, relax on the straight a ways, and to enjoy to ride.

4. Living in the moment.

James 4:13-15 " Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.

Here in Michigan we are experiencing the season of Fall. Leaves are changing, temperature is dropping, and boots and sweaters are making their appearances. In my life, I'm experiencing the season of going hard, living in the moment, and anticipating some exciting moments to come- in HIS timing-.

God is good. Blessings in living life to its fullest.